his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
