Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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