did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
