i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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