FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Terrible idea I love it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
