never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
