I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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