Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
