We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
