everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
