i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
