: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
