Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
