Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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