I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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