I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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