Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
