yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
