He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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