this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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