I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
