My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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