my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
