I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
