Are we in a gay sports bar?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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