"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
