I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
