I am midnight drunk by noon
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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