why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
