U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We are two peas in an std pod
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
