it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
