the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
