wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
