If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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