you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
