Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
