Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
