You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
