i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
