he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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