i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
