I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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