Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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