He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
