YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
