The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
