someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
