about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
