Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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