I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
