just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
