Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
