Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
