Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I want to be your penis for a week.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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