There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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