If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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