Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
