a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
