How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
