Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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